If there’s one lesson I’ve learned from being married to Harry, it’s that forgiveness isn’t optional in a relationship—it’s essential. No matter how much two people love each other, they are bound to hurt one another at some point. Words slip out in anger, mistakes are made, tempers flare, and disappointments creep in. When that happens, forgiveness becomes the bridge that carries us back to love, understanding, and peace.
Why Forgiveness Matters
It’s easy to hold onto grudges. In fact, sometimes it feels satisfying to stay angry. But the truth is, holding onto resentment only hurts us more in the long run. Anger builds walls, and those walls slowly push people apart. Forgiveness, on the other hand, tears those walls down and makes room for love to grow again.
When I think about my marriage with Harry, I can honestly say we wouldn’t have made it without forgiveness. We are two imperfect people with two strong personalities, and that means we’ve had our share of clashes. There were times we said things we regretted, times we acted out of pride instead of love, and times when misunderstandings grew bigger than they should have. Forgiveness was what allowed us to move forward instead of staying stuck in the past.
Forgiveness Doesn’t Mean Forgetting
One of the most common misconceptions about forgiveness is that it means pretending nothing happened. That’s not true. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you erase the memory or excuse hurtful behavior. It means choosing to release the burden of bitterness so that healing can begin.
When Harry and I had arguments, I couldn’t just snap my fingers and forget what was said. But I could choose not to let it poison the days ahead. I could say, “I forgive you,” and mean it, even while acknowledging that it hurt. That’s the power of forgiveness—it frees your heart without denying the truth of what happened.
Forgiveness Takes Humility
Forgiving isn’t always easy. Sometimes our pride gets in the way, whispering, “You don’t deserve to forgive him,” or “She should be the one to apologize first.” But if we wait for perfect apologies before extending forgiveness, we’ll spend most of our lives waiting.
Humility is at the core of forgiveness. It’s the willingness to say, “Yes, I was hurt, but our relationship means more to me than my pride.” It’s the choice to see the bigger picture, to value peace over being “right,” and to recognize that you too need forgiveness at times.
There were many times in my marriage when Harry needed to forgive me just as much as I needed to forgive him. Knowing that gave me a softer heart toward him. We were both flawed, both learning, and both doing the best we could.
The Healing Power of Forgiveness
I’ve noticed that forgiveness doesn’t just heal the relationship—it heals the person doing the forgiving. Carrying anger feels heavy, like dragging around a suitcase full of bricks. Once you let go, it’s amazing how much lighter you feel.
I’ve also seen forgiveness strengthen love in ways nothing else could. After an argument, when Harry and I chose forgiveness, it often brought us closer. We would laugh again, talk more openly, and appreciate each other in a deeper way. It’s almost as if forgiveness clears away the dust so you can see the heart of the person you love more clearly.
Faith and Forgiveness
For me, forgiveness has always been tied to my faith. The Bible reminds us that we are called to forgive just as God forgives us. That doesn’t make it easy, but it gives it meaning. If God can forgive my flaws and failures, then surely I can forgive Harry’s.
Faith also gave me perspective. Every time I wanted to hold onto bitterness, I would remember that forgiveness was part of loving the way God intended. It wasn’t about keeping score; it was about keeping love alive.
Practical Forgiveness
Forgiveness isn’t just a feeling, it’s a decision. Sometimes I had to forgive Harry before my emotions caught up. That meant choosing to let go, even when I still felt hurt. With time, my heart would soften, and the feelings of peace would follow.
Forgiveness also involves communication. Saying, “I forgive you,” out loud carries weight. It reassures your partner that while mistakes were made, the relationship is worth more than the conflict.
The Gift of Forgiveness
Ultimately, forgiveness is one of the greatest gifts we can give to the people we love. It’s not about weakness—it’s about strength. It takes courage to let go of hurt and move forward, but the reward is freedom, healing, and stronger love.
Harry and I are living proof that forgiveness works. Our love isn’t perfect, but it’s lasting, and that’s because we’ve chosen to forgive each other time and time again. If you want your relationship to grow, forgiveness is the soil that allows love to flourish.
So, the next time someone you love disappoints you, remember this: forgiveness doesn’t mean you approve of what happened—it means you choose love over bitterness, peace over pride, and healing over hurt. That’s the power of forgiveness in relationships.
Want to read more stories of love, resilience, and forgiveness? Get your copy of I’m Not Mr. Perfect (Life with Harry) by Karlene Evans and discover the real-life lessons of a marriage built on faith, laughter, and grace.
